Learning to win in the “right way”

Teaching your players to be humble and dignified, when they win a match, or competition, is equally as important as behaving in the right way when your team has lost.

And I believe that this is very much the responsibility of the Coach/Manager!

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But ....................................... Never ever WANT to lose, and, to be honest, I’ll never be a “it’s the taking part” person, because if I do something, I want to win (but .................................. I’m prepared to lose!)
 

Players, officials & supporters will, rightly, celebrate whenever they win a game or competition, but they should remember not to “rub it in the faces” of the losing team.

As a Coach, it’s your responsibility to make sure this does not happen!

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Remember how you felt when you lost! (if you’ve never ever lost, stop reading this now!!)
 

A lot of effort needs putting into your players, emphasising that they should be respectful of their opposition in victory or defeat.
 

“Class” is crucial in creating club cultures as well as making the player a “better person”!
 

Being magnanimous is a skill in its own right, but getting it wrong can make you appear patronising!
 

As a result, this can make things worse, despite your good intentions!
 

Young players will take their leads from their coaches, so get it right yourself!
 

There is a results driven side to this too - one I’ve used as a coach many times!

A defeat is often used as a motivator in a later “return” fixture, so if you “humiliate” your opponents, you can be sure that they will use this against you in the future!

 

Helping players cope with a loss

The important thing for coaches AND PARENTS (as a coach you need to get parents to buy into this - it’s about the big picture, not short termism!) to do, after players have experienced a loss, is to teach them how to deal with the frustration and sometimes even anger in a respectful and dignified way.

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A good thing to teach them is to make a point of always shaking hands with all the opposition players and their respective managers AFTER the game, despite the nature of the defeat.

 

Winning can mean different things

Winning is a matter of perspective, it can mean many things. For example, it can be:

- battling to the final whistle, despite the end result.

- never giving up when everything is going against you!

- simply acting in the right way when others around you are not.

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Sometimes you are a team at the lower end of the table and playing, and only losing by the odd goal, against a table topping team, but this is still a great result, despite the defeat (on paper).
 

Sometimes these results can feel just as good as winning a game outright, because, as much as you want to encourage your players to try their best to win every game, its important to consistently encourage your players to behave in the right way.

 

But ................ understanding that the result DOES matter

The result of any game that your players are involved in does matter, somehow.
 

Sometimes, as a coach, if the team has lost it feels right to tell young players that the result doesn't matter, however this can sometimes send out mixed messages to them.
 

Often, as a Manager myself, I have deliberately mixed the message!
 

For example, often, after a defeat, my players are often expecting “the hairdresser” treatment from me, but then I felt that it was time to highlight the positives from a game (don’t make it unrealistic, or patronising though - players aren’t stupid!!)
 

In my experience, the best time to deliver a rollicking is often after a win, i.e. when they least expect it!
 

This is the theory that Driving Testers use, to great effect, they only tell you what you’ve done wrong after a “pass”!!

But it applies equally well as a Manager/Coach in football too!
 

But you, as the Coach, need to evaluate this yourself - it’s all part of “knowing your players”!
 

They are not robots, or all the same!

Some can handle being “told off” and others need a metophorical “arm round the shoulder”!

Be aware of Child Protection issues though!
 

Every game can teach your players something new, or can reinforce something they've already learned.
 

So, even if your team has been beaten, they can be made aware of what the mistakes were, so they can learn from them in the future.
 

If it’s an individual though, speak to them individually!

I have a guideline that if there’s a “blame” - it’s collective, but if there’s praise - it can be individual and/or collective!

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Not every result reflects a coach's, or their team’s, ability!

In coaching its useful to understand that if your team loses a few games it doesn't overnight make you a bad coach, and likewise if your team goes on a good run of form it doesn't suddenly make you a brilliant coach.
 

This is especially true with younger age groups, where many external factors can influence performance.
 

If coaches can live with this “fact”, and take their team’s losses and victories in their stride then they should be able to develop their players considerably.
 

In junior football, the “clash” is often with parents, so mutual understanding is vital - outline your objectives and get their (the parents’) “buy in” and explain to them what your targets are for not only the group, but for their “little Johnny/Jenny” in the long, and short, term!

 

Measure of Development

As a coach, if you are reviewing the team’s overall performance, it is worth looking at what the team was like when you took over, then comparing it to what it looks like now.

So, ask yourself the following:

- How have the players improved?

- Has the league position improved

- Is the style of play starting to match your philosophy?
 

If you can answer some of these questions and forget about the results in between then it acts as an effective measure of development.
 

If you feel your team has developed, sometimes a loss doesn't feel as bad in the grand scheme of things.

 

Recognising the level you are at

Looking at coaches at the highest level for inspiration is all well and good, but if you start to try and imitate their behaviours in your own technical area, it can cause problems.
 

Recognise the level you are coaching at - If someone like Jose Mourinho has one bad result it puts pressure on his job.

Whereas, if you lose ONE game, your job is fairly secure.
 

Furthermore, your behaviour and attitudes towards the result of a match should be relative to the level you are at and should be very different to that of Coaches, or Managers, whose careers can depend on a single result.

 

Young players mimic adults

If your team wins or loses it should have an effect on you, especially given the time and emotion who have invested into helping the players, however the way in which you act after the final whistle is very important.

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In many cases younger players look up to their “elders” (especially Coaches, and parents) and will mirror what they do, so if they see their Coach screaming and shouting at the referee, due to a “poor” decision, the players are likely to do something similar in the future.
 

It's all about the coaches and parents focusing on things they are in control of, filtering their emotions and setting a good example.

 

No matter the result, encourage them to move on quickly

Once the final whistle has blown and you've explained the positives and negatives of the performance, it's really important that the final words from the coach are positive, as these are the ones players remember most!

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Encourage your players to go and enjoy the rest of their weekend.
 

Dwelling on results in the grassroots game is counter-productive.
 

IN SHORT - Want it to mean something to the players, but help them to ACCEPT the defeat!